“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”
~Kim McMillen.
It is essential for us to learn how very important self-love and self-compassion are, and how only those who truly love themselves can genuinely love another. The following 7 points explain why it’s important to love yourself; for your own wellbeing and for the sake of others too.
1. You gain full control of your life.
You will come to realize that you always have a choice. We can choose feelings of shame, guilt and fear, or feelings of love, deep relaxation and gentleness as we choose our thoughts that create our feelings. When we start loving ourselves, we realize that we too are worthy; we are good enough and deserve every bit of love in all aspects of our lives, just as much as any other person. When we come to embrace and feel that we are ‘good enough’, our lives also reflect this acceptance, and we begin to have enough of everything; love, friends, money, relationships, healthy self-esteem and good experiences. Life attracts to us the same energy that we choose to feel for and about ourselves, so choose to feel real love for you from your heart and see what happens.
2. You set boundaries regarding dating and love.
You will become more assertive once you start setting standards and boundaries when it comes to relationships. Once you begin loving yourself, you care for yourself and truly want yourself to be happy; this means only allowing actions and behaviors that are for your higher good. This allows you to have more purpose in dating than before. Give yourself time in discovering who you are and what kind of partner you are looking for. Set boundaries in terms of what supports you and is healthy for you, and what does not support you, and stick to them. Beginning with self love is the only sure way to attract a partner who also loves you.
3. You stop feeling like you need anyone’s approval.
Self love is unconditional acceptance of all aspects of one’s self. Once we truly accept that we are good enough just the way we are, we no longer need anyone else’s approval to tell us that. When we stop choosing our behaviors based on the expectations of others, we are able to start doing the things that we really want. The result is a greater happiness, and a peace that comes from not stressing about things we cannot control; namely the expectations of another. Being kind is good and to be admired, but there’s a difference between choosing actions out of the fear of not pleasing another, and of a genuine giving of love from the heart.
4. You start making conscious decisions that you believe in.
Self love helps us to make big decisions; whether to change your draining job to a career that motivates your heart, or to move to a different city, state, or even country where you feel like life is an adventure and you wake up every day feeling truly alive. Weighing the pros and cons becomes easier as we can more clearly identify and support what we truly want. When we love ourselves, we are given the courage we need to let go of things and paths that do not serve us, and to move on to that which empowers us and brings us into a life of love.
5. You love your alone time.
You will stop running away from your thoughts and emotions, and instead, accept and love your ‘self’ within them. New alone time activities such as Yoga, swimming, going to the gym, reading, taking a bath or watching movies all become very enjoyable as they naturally make you feel good, and you stop feeling afraid to be alone. When you love the one you’re alone with, it’s easy to enjoy being alone.
6. You form a stronger relationship with yourself.
Self compassion causes us to develop a deep connection with yourself; something that is quite profound, gentle, tender and loving. You will have meaningful insights and essential discoveries about yourself. When you’re your own best friend, you feel more secure and depend less on trying to get others to fill your emotional gaps/pains with relief, love and attention. Self-love nourishes yourself, and living from the heart frees us from unnecessary ideas that we need something outside of ourselves to be happy. Strengthening your inner-relationship also helps in forming and maintaining your bonds with others, as it begins to come from a place of enjoyment rather than need.
7. You stop seeking happiness from relationships, but rather bring the happiness you’ve developed within yourself to your relationships.
Once you realize that you do not need a partner to be happy, you will feel a certain sense of relief, dignity and peace. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t open to the idea of additional happiness with a partner. It just means that having yourself is enough to keep you happy, and after that is established, you’re in a much healthier place to start a new relationship.
